GAD is Bad
Well really, GAD is worse then bad- it is pure hell. Unless you have suffered from some form of a mental illness, it is difficult to understand what it is like. I mean, after all, we should all be able to control our own thoughts- our own moods- our own actions, right? It's tempting to want to shake someone with these types of issues and say "STOP already."
The problem is, we can't stop. We no longer are able to control our thought processes (and in some cases our behaviors.) The next problem? Lack of understanding from a good part of the population. Let's say that you were paralyzed from the waist down and could no longer make your legs move as they were supposed to move. Society understands this. Society doesn't expect you to leap to your feet and to run a marathon. And yet, society does NOT understand if someone with depression or anxiety is unable to control his/her mind- to make it do what it is supposed to do.
So not only are those with mental health problems forced to suffer from a horrific illness, but the shame associated with these issues means that many who could benefit from treatment are reluctant to seek it out.
Let me say this, I am a BIG believer in chemical help. I think therapy certainly has its place. However, the difference that the right medication makes in my life is simply amazing. When my medication is working (which it has been since early 2001 thank goodness) I am ME..I am able to function completely without anxiety. It is nothing short of miraculous. Without the correct medication, however, my mind becomes one of those wheels in a habitrail- you know where the gerbil runs around and around and goes nowhere? That's exactly how my thought process works. Something makes me worry- and then my worries compound and continue and I am COMPLETELY UNABLE to control that wheel in my brain from turning. It is horrible. It is frightening. And, until I decided that this was something that I should not be ashamed of, it was embarrassing.
I hope that in years to come as medical researchers continue to explore the human body that mental health issues become more fully understood both by doctors and the general public, and of course, become more treatable.
Here's something I wrote a few years ago when in the midst of an anxiety attack:
DEMONS
Over and over and over
I hear the voices whispering
Replaying my fears on an unending loop
As I spiral downward
Faster and faster
Into that deep black pit....
My tears do not make it stop...
I get no rest from my angst
As I flail aginst the darkness
And the chains that keep me captive
My stomach churns and
Tears pour down my face....
Surely there is more to life
Surely there is a better place
Surely I will get better..
Please...
Please...
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