Rebecca 

Rebecca

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My eldest daughter is 7. SEVEN. Sometimes it is hard for me to believe that my baby...my sweet, funny, loving little girl has grown so incredibly much. It is hard to reconcile the tall (4'3") lean girl with long golden brown hair with the chubby bundle that I held in my arms- who gave me open mouthed kisses and laughed with pure delight at our funny faces. She has grown well and I am proud of her on many levels as she exhibits kindness, curiosity and unbounded affection for her family and friends. I am especially proud of her for her unflinching courage during her cycles of CVS. If you don't know about this disease, you can read about it here: http://www.cvsaonline.org/ . We have been lucky. Rebecca only cycles 4 times a year, with each cycle from start to total recovery lasting 3-4 days. Amazingly enough, we also think we may have found a cure for her. She is taking claritin (of all things!) once a day and for the first time ever skipped her cycle at the end of May. It was a miracle, and we're hoping that it is one that will be repeated come the end of August.

This summer, however, has been hard. Rebecca is obviously testing the waters- and her parents- by pushing us with sulking, nagging and an occasional whine fest. I know deep in my heart that this is normal behavior. That a child who is too "good" all the time is obviously repressing something. But it is sometimes hard to fathom how my sweet baby could act the way she does. However, I know that "this too will pass" - and that I'm sure we will have many other storms to weather as she grows. Yesterday in particular the three children were on their worst behavior when I got home. Finally, Troy and I told them that they would not be playing with any of their friends today- no bike riding, no scooters, nothing.
Right after that I had to take Rebecca in to the doctors to get her ear looked at- unfortuntately it appears that the piercing on her right side had gotten infected. I have no idea why- we have been careful with cleansing it and rotaing the earring, but it was undeniably swollen. I fumed all the way to the doctors office (silently) and did tell her (out loud) that I expected an attitude change or that she was going to be sitting inside for the rest of the summer.

The doctor confirmed that the ear was infected and that the earring would have to be taken out. One small problem was that the ear was so swollen that the front of the earring had almost disappeared inside her ear. (Don't ask me how this happened within a 24 hour period.) To prepare her ear for the scalpel, the nurse gave her some numbing cream. Shortly thereafter the doctor (dancing and singing practically- no kidding he used antics to appeal to kids) came in and gave her a shot in her ear of a medicine to increase the numbness. Then the fun began...and Rebecca's eyes slowly filled with tears. They had difficulty with the earring and as they were pulling on it, the screaming began. She screamed and cried and screamed and cried, and it tore my heart. And as I watched her crying a vision of her baby face- also screwed up in sadness with eyes full of tears - juxtaposed itself and my heart ripped. While I knew that this was a minor procedure- that it was necessary- and that she would be FINE within minutes, I wanted to grab her from the examining table and rush out the door- so that I could make the pain stop, so that I could dry her tears and hold her close.

However old she grows, whatever she does in this world, I will always love her. She will always be my angel, my princess, my pumpkin, my sweetheart- in short...my love. The depth of love I feel for my children continually amazes me. Nothing tears it- nothing breaks it. I will always love them. Always.

THROUGH MY DAUGHTER'S EYES

A movement in the grass...
"Look...it's a BUNNY" she shrieks excitedly.
A white tail flashes as the brown rabbit disappears beneath the bush
Darkened to a dusky shape
As the summer evening turns to night.

"Mommy - someone turned on the moon light!"
I look out the window....and see
The pumpkin round-moon -
Hanging in the night sky
Shimmering with Light
As if an unseen hand had switched on a lamp
Which casts a golden radiance
Outward and downward lighting the two faces
Pressed to the window pane far far below.

I pull my daughter close
Stroke her silky golden-brown hair,
Kiss her warm pink cheek,
And remember.....
When all was fresh
And the world was open before me.

I remember chanting street names, store names,
Sayings from billboards as I rode
In the hot back seat
Through dusty streets
While the Miami sun blazed above.
Letters turned to words....
And I was enchanted by the meaning
In what had been before just
Meaningless shapes dancing on the page.

Through my daughter's eyes
The excitement of life is rekindled
The ordinary becomes extraordinary
As she teaches me and reminds me
To be grateful,
And to cherish
This amazing world and the miracle I have been granted

My life..And her love.